Little Box of Secrets

This yearning in my heart, This confusion in my mind, The words left unspoken, Haunts me all the time. Everyday I watch time pass by With an emptiness in my life And a hole in my heart... There are nights I wake up crying And wishing you were here To hold me in your arms And wipe away my tears. There is something that keeps me holding on- What I'll never know... But one day things will go my way, And I'll, have you in my arms...

DELILAH October 20th 2009. Here she was...staring at her screen again... 5minutes. Nothing. 20minutes. Nothing. 1hour. Nothing. She was sick and tired of waiting. 'He' wasn't going to come online...as usual. She turned off her laptop and picked up the novel she was reading. She tried hard not to think about 'him' nor about her complicated relationship with Jonathan. For a moment, guilt crept in but she convinced herself that this was just a 'fling'. She was just doing this to distract her mind from 'him', but she couldn't deny that this 'fling' could hurt other people. She had been seeing Jonathan for a few months and she found him an effective distraction from her thoughts about 'him', that's why she kept on seeing him inspite of the risks involved in it. All she hoped was for Jonathan's wife not to find out about it... August 11th 2009. She was running late for Mimi's house-warming party and she didn't even have...

For years and years I’ve went around proudly with my name, facing all ridicule of people misspelling it or mispronouncing it. I love my name. My father named me after Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy, the wife of the 35th President of the United States of America, John F. Kennedy. Only a few (and I mean a few) people are familiar with the name (in India). When people ask me my name, I tell them, usually following it with, ‘You know Jacqueline Kennedy?’ and most of the time I get a negative answer. I don’t remember anyone I’ve asked recognizing the name. This usually brings me to frown inside. Then I add, ‘She’s the wife of John F. Kennedy… Former president of U.S.A?’ and this particular statement is usually received with a blank stare which explains it all… They don’t even know John F. Kennedy for crying out loud!!! How can I expect them to know Jackie Kennedy??? Don’t they even read magazines and books? Don’t they even watch Fox History or Hallmark? The life and death of J.F.K have been do...

'Never look back', whispered the voice inside my head as I ran as fast as my weak and tired legs could carry me. The cold wind lashed violently against my bare cheeks but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. I shouldn't. I had to keep moving on to keep us safe, me and my baby. I ran and ran till I was out of breath...till I had to stop. I looked back and smiled. They're gone. I shifted the baby to my left arm and reached inside my jacket pocket for the crumpled piece of paper that held my future...our future. I had some money in my purse to last us a few days but we didn't have a place to stay. I thought and thought but couldn't think of anything. I had no one, no one but the baby, MY baby. I was hungry and cold, the jacket was barely enough to keep us warm. Then suddenly, I remembered. I rushed to the nearest subway and bought a ticket with the precious cents which I'd managed to save. It's been three days since I've been ...

I want to write. But how do I write when I can't even figure myself out? How can I make sense when I've lost complete control of my senses? I don't know what's wrong with me, what happened to me or what I need... I feel so lost. I feel like a ship without a compass. Hell! I don't even know what I want anymore. I don't even remember since when i've been like this. I've withdrawn myself emotionally from almost everyone that's close to me, causing me to lose a few 'friends'. I remember when I used to wish that I felt nothing. Now, it's like I feel nothing except the emptiness that's killing me. I feel like a zombie. I'm so lost. I don't know what to do! HELP!

Alright since I'm home, I decided to clear up my old stuff... I went through my old trunk and guess what I found? 10 diaries!!! I had nothing better to do so I tried reading them. The first one horrified me! I was such a nerd back in school. Arrgh! And everone(almost) took advantage of my naiveity and made fun of me... Why am I so dumb? Just because I scored full marks in mathematics doesn't mean I'm smart.. I just realized. I had the 'hugest' crush on the cutest guy in class and (though I didn't realize it at that time)everyone was laughing at me behind my back. It's funny that 'cool girls' should pick on 'nerds' to boost their ego. It sucks. It still affects me emotionally and I think this is why I'm so emotional O_O Or was I just born emotional??? In all my 20 years of existence, I don't remember a time when I didn't get attracted to the opposite sex. How unforunate! It's a catastrophe. Really. Because the only time that I ...

Joseph and I went to watch Harry Potter. I got texts from a friend of mine tellin me that he's in the lounge bar under the movie hall we were in and he asked us to meet him. He told us to join them so we went eventhough we weren't planning to. The whole atmosphere of the lounge got us into a partying mood so we followed them to 'Underground'. I personally hate 'Underground' because the dancefloor is particularly small, but we still went since all of them were going there. The first thing I sensed when we entered was the 'smell of sin'... We danced like hell, that's the way we party. A few Africans entered the club and they were watchin me and Joseph dance. They tried to hit on us and one of them even spanked Joseph's ass(I'm serious!). One of them handed me a napkin where he wrote his number(LMAO). I went over to the place where I'd kept my purse to check on my things. I looked for my phone but it wasn't there anymore. For a second, I...

I was walking past some school kids today... And they started imitating these weird Karate yells(which weren't even close to the real yells)... It got me thinking... "Am I really supposed to BE Indian??" According to the Constitution of India, YES. Because I was born in an Indian territory between Indian parents. Sometimes I hate being an Indian because some "typical Indians" look at us differently and they treat us differently. There's a club in Kolkata which doesn't allow "north-east" people. And I know that most of you havn't heard that India was/is the first country ever to bomb its own territory. Yup, it bombed Mizoram(my native place) during the fifties. Soldiers of the Indian Army destroyed houses, burnt up entire villages, beheaded and shot some rebels and raped the women.... Can u believe that??? I know I'm being 'stereotypical', but it's so easy to be a stereoype "chinky" in India. Don't you think? ...

She was ecstatic! She was on her way to the airport to meet him, he was coming to meet her. The cold wind was stinging her cheeks, but she didn't mind, she was too thrilled. After six months, they were finally going to meet for the first time, and she'll be able to touch him and get lost in his scent. They're going to be together! She smiled as she thinks about him singing Pink Floyd's "Wish you were here"... He sings it all the time on the phone. He loves Pink Floyd. Now she'll be able to see and hear him sing for real. They've been kissing each other on the phone for too long, she wanted to kiss his sweet lips and hug him so tight when she meets him. She felt as if her heart was going to leap out of her chest, the excitement was going to kill her. She tried dialling his number to see if he'd arrived before her, but his phone was still switched off... "Good", she thought, she had skipped supper and was now starting to feel hungry, "...

It's 3:00PM, she opened her eyes, another day, another day without him. Everytime she wakes up, she thinks about his smile, his grin... She hates it when she thinks about him. They havn't even met. Sometimes she wonders how this stranger could make her knees go weak and her stomach churn. She has seen his pictures on the internet, and they've had a few talks. She turns on her laptop without even bothering to freshen up, it has become a daily routine for her. She automatically goes to his profile; another status message for "the girl". She hates "the girl", she loathes "her" with every living cell in her body. She hates it when he talks about "the girl" and puts up "her" pictures in his album. Sometimes she wants to just scream out loud that she likes him, but he already has "the girl"...there's nothing she can do because he adores "her". She sometimes wishes that she's the one that he's missin...

Why is he so cute? Why? Why? Why? Everytime i see his face(on the net), Everytime i see his grin(in his pics)... Makes me wanna jump off a cliff or something. I know it's weird. I havn't felt like this in ages(literally). I feel like such a loser :( Stupidity.

Alright...my hair is ruined!! I wanted to get a "Mary-Jane"ish red, so we(me n my cousin) bought hair-color and bleach and other stuff. I can't believe i did it! I can't believe it! My hair is totally f***ed up. I wish I could die(dye XD)... The bleach didnt work properly and we couldn't get a blond color outta my hair. We still got on to coloring it eventhough the bleach was only effective on some parts and my hair was already striped and had uneven blond patches on the top. After the coloring was done, my cousin started laughin and i rushed to the mirror.... Lo and behold! There stood a half-breed "Red Sonja"!!!!!!!!!!!! I can never see the light of day again unless I dye it raven black :(( KILL ME!

Y'know you get that feeling sometimes, when you want something but you think that you dont stand a chance on getting it. This is one of those times that i feel absolutely hopeless about getting what i want.. :( It's just so weird because for a loooong time I've always gotten what I want... But I feel so helpless right now. I want that thing(or person) so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I do i do!!! But I'm not even >this

6:14am, Im still not sleepy. that's right "a.m"... I'm bored, that's why I created this blog. I'm already satisfied with my Myspace blogs, but lets see if I like this or not. : seriously. I'm going to post a few paragraphs which I write sometimes when I'm bored or when I get inspired(as if that's possible). Some can call these paragraphs "poems", but I don't cuz they're not good enough. I'm a poet in the making XD. Seriously, I'll write at least one book before I die... Be sure to buy it, or else... X__X ummm uhhh... ok then... Ciao! Look out for my posts if you're interested.. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzttttttttttttttttttt XXX signing off!