Little Box of Secrets

This yearning in my heart, This confusion in my mind, The words left unspoken, Haunts me all the time. Everyday I watch time pass by With an emptiness in my life And a hole in my heart... There are nights I wake up crying And wishing you were here To hold me in your arms And wipe away my tears. There is something that keeps me holding on- What I'll never know... But one day things will go my way, And I'll, have you in my arms...

DELILAH October 20th 2009. Here she was...staring at her screen again... 5minutes. Nothing. 20minutes. Nothing. 1hour. Nothing. She was sick and tired of waiting. 'He' wasn't going to come online...as usual. She turned off her laptop and picked up the novel she was reading. She tried hard not to think about 'him' nor about her complicated relationship with Jonathan. For a moment, guilt crept in but she convinced herself that this was just a 'fling'. She was just doing this to distract her mind from 'him', but she couldn't deny that this 'fling' could hurt other people. She had been seeing Jonathan for a few months and she found him an effective distraction from her thoughts about 'him', that's why she kept on seeing him inspite of the risks involved in it. All she hoped was for Jonathan's wife not to find out about it... August 11th 2009. She was running late for Mimi's house-warming party and she didn't even have...

For years and years I’ve went around proudly with my name, facing all ridicule of people misspelling it or mispronouncing it. I love my name. My father named me after Jacqueline Bouvier Kennedy, the wife of the 35th President of the United States of America, John F. Kennedy. Only a few (and I mean a few) people are familiar with the name (in India). When people ask me my name, I tell them, usually following it with, ‘You know Jacqueline Kennedy?’ and most of the time I get a negative answer. I don’t remember anyone I’ve asked recognizing the name. This usually brings me to frown inside. Then I add, ‘She’s the wife of John F. Kennedy… Former president of U.S.A?’ and this particular statement is usually received with a blank stare which explains it all… They don’t even know John F. Kennedy for crying out loud!!! How can I expect them to know Jackie Kennedy??? Don’t they even read magazines and books? Don’t they even watch Fox History or Hallmark? The life and death of J.F.K have been do...

'Never look back', whispered the voice inside my head as I ran as fast as my weak and tired legs could carry me. The cold wind lashed violently against my bare cheeks but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. I shouldn't. I had to keep moving on to keep us safe, me and my baby. I ran and ran till I was out of breath...till I had to stop. I looked back and smiled. They're gone. I shifted the baby to my left arm and reached inside my jacket pocket for the crumpled piece of paper that held my future...our future. I had some money in my purse to last us a few days but we didn't have a place to stay. I thought and thought but couldn't think of anything. I had no one, no one but the baby, MY baby. I was hungry and cold, the jacket was barely enough to keep us warm. Then suddenly, I remembered. I rushed to the nearest subway and bought a ticket with the precious cents which I'd managed to save. It's been three days since I've been ...

I want to write. But how do I write when I can't even figure myself out? How can I make sense when I've lost complete control of my senses? I don't know what's wrong with me, what happened to me or what I need... I feel so lost. I feel like a ship without a compass. Hell! I don't even know what I want anymore. I don't even remember since when i've been like this. I've withdrawn myself emotionally from almost everyone that's close to me, causing me to lose a few 'friends'. I remember when I used to wish that I felt nothing. Now, it's like I feel nothing except the emptiness that's killing me. I feel like a zombie. I'm so lost. I don't know what to do! HELP!

Alright since I'm home, I decided to clear up my old stuff... I went through my old trunk and guess what I found? 10 diaries!!! I had nothing better to do so I tried reading them. The first one horrified me! I was such a nerd back in school. Arrgh! And everone(almost) took advantage of my naiveity and made fun of me... Why am I so dumb? Just because I scored full marks in mathematics doesn't mean I'm smart.. I just realized. I had the 'hugest' crush on the cutest guy in class and (though I didn't realize it at that time)everyone was laughing at me behind my back. It's funny that 'cool girls' should pick on 'nerds' to boost their ego. It sucks. It still affects me emotionally and I think this is why I'm so emotional O_O Or was I just born emotional??? In all my 20 years of existence, I don't remember a time when I didn't get attracted to the opposite sex. How unforunate! It's a catastrophe. Really. Because the only time that I ...

Joseph and I went to watch Harry Potter. I got texts from a friend of mine tellin me that he's in the lounge bar under the movie hall we were in and he asked us to meet him. He told us to join them so we went eventhough we weren't planning to. The whole atmosphere of the lounge got us into a partying mood so we followed them to 'Underground'. I personally hate 'Underground' because the dancefloor is particularly small, but we still went since all of them were going there. The first thing I sensed when we entered was the 'smell of sin'... We danced like hell, that's the way we party. A few Africans entered the club and they were watchin me and Joseph dance. They tried to hit on us and one of them even spanked Joseph's ass(I'm serious!). One of them handed me a napkin where he wrote his number(LMAO). I went over to the place where I'd kept my purse to check on my things. I looked for my phone but it wasn't there anymore. For a second, I...